An Unexpected Journey

When you have a child, you develop certain expectations.  A good amount of time is spent imagining the person your child will become.  When they will meet milestones, what schools they will attend, how soon they will walk - it's the natural course of parenthood, and the majority of parents consistently imagine only the best.  Their child will be gifted, popular, well behaved, and well adjusted.  No one ever thinks that their child will be deaf, or have delayed motor skills, or have behavior problems or mental illness.  If they claim that they do, they're lying through their teeth.

Along with the hopes and dreams you have for your child, comes the constant reminder that you are being judged on your parenting.  I can't tell you how many times I've had a conversation with a parent friend that started out with "I was THAT mom today."  The mom with the child that wouldn't stop screaming for a toy, the mom with the child that wouldn't sit still in the doctors office, the mom who caved and let her child have some pop or candy because they just needed that brief moment of blissful silence, or the mom that spent the entire wedding chasing around the active toddler. (This applies to dads, too, but since I am the mother in this case, most of this will be my perspective.)  With the judgment comes what is referred to as "Mommy Guilt," or the idea that nothing you do as a parent is good enough - because there is always someone out there who does it better, and don't you forget it.

Having said this, when the idea of your "Dream Child" gets blown off course, it can be earth shattering.  There are waves of emotions that you experience that you never knew were possible.  You have to learn to reconcile yourself with the new reality that, though it existed all along, is difficult to accept.  Your child is not going to turn out exactly how you expect them to.

We are no exception.  When Lyric was born, and even before she was born, there were many conversations about what kind of baby she would be.  She was a surprise, so we didn't have a lot of time to plan, or prepare for the idea of having a child before she arrived.  (Trust me, 9 - 10 months is really NOT that long.)  From the start, she had her own agenda.  I have a heart condition that makes pushing potentially dangerous, so I was scheduled to deliver via c-section on June 1st.  May 26th, I woke up feeling horrible pains in my back that I assumed were muscle spasms.  I was right, to a degree.  They were muscle spasms of my uterus.  Lyric had decided that today was her day to arrive.  We didn't even remember to bring a camera to the hospital, because we assumed I was going to be sent home on the grounds of "False Alarm."

From her somewhat unexpected birth, our expectations were thrown out the window.  Breastfeeding was all but a failure, but she thrived on formula.  She developed reflux, but it was easily controlled by medication.  She slept like a rock, only waking once a night to eat.  She rarely cried, and apart from when we didn't realize she had reflux, she was easily comforted.  She rejected pacifiers in favor of her thumb.  She met a lot of milestones early, which encouraged the idea that she was going to be a brilliant child.

 By the time she turned 2, it was clear to us that something wasn't quite right.  Her motor and cognitive skills were developing at a rapid pace, but her speech skills just didn't seem to be catching up.  When we brought up these concerns to our pediatrician, he said that he wasn't too concerned because she is an only child in the care of an at home parent.  She gets very little interaction with children her own age.  However, he also suggested that we contact Early On to have her evaluated. 

A few weeks later, they came to our apartment to test a variety of things, like her cognitive skills, emotional responses, and speaking abilities.  I had to work that day, so I anxiously awaited an update from Travis.  That unrelenting "always the best" parent part of me was hoping they would figure out that she wasn't behind, and their services would be unnecessary.  The rational part of me recognized that this would likely not be the case.  Sure enough, the completed evaluation confirmed that she did have a delay in speech.  It also indicated that she had some sensory, and social emotional issues that might need addressing. 

So our adventure into Early Intervention, speech delays, and sensory seeking began.  It is not the road we thought we would be taking.  It has been full of twists and turns that are overwhelming and scary.  The important part to remember is that this road is not a dead end.  It's merely a different path to take to help Lyric find a way to express herself, and the thoughts inside of her brilliant mind.  That it is for her, above all else, is why it matters so much.