Seeking Delayed Brilliance: On Gender Roles

Once in a while at my work, we have what we call "Mommy Lunch." Ladies who had babies around the same time all get together to talk about their kids and how things are going, because it's nice to have that kind of support. Today's lunch gave me a chance to finally feel like we're doing something right in terms of raising Lyric. I know that most people tell us we're doing great, and they're proud, and all that - but that doesn't stop the rising guilt you can sometimes feel as a parent. That guilt where you read about the kid who eats all organic food with fruits and veggies, while your kid snarfs down nuggets from a certain red and yellow themed drive thru. The reality is that as a parent you're doing fine - but it doesn't always feel that way.

Today, however, was different. Three of the women at the lunch, including myself, have little girls. One has a little boy. The subject of dolls and playing "mommy" came up at some point, and the other women who had girls were talking about how their daughters are so in to princesses, pink, playing with dolls, and other things that tend to be labeled as "girly." On the other end of the spectrum, the mother with the boy talked about how everything was basketball, baseball, and golf for her. Then there was me.

Since we found out I was pregnant, and especially since finding out we were having a girl, we made the conscious decision to not force our children into the prescribed gender role that society puts on children. Both of us felt that it was extremely important to give our child a balanced amount of "girly" and "boyish" toys to foster a well rounded development. This way they would feel less pressure to be a "princess" or a "man's man." Due to this fact, Lyric has a wide variety of toys. She has a play kitchen, she has a doll house, she has Batman toys, she has Ironman toys. She has a basketball hoop, a t-ball set, and a little dollar store golf club and golf ball. She has stuffed animals and baby dolls - she even has a few Chelsea (young Barbie) dolls, and a tea set. She also has Buzz Lightyear, and Woody toys - as well as a Woody costume. Her clothes are a variety of colors - nothing overly pink and girly. We actually recently purchased her a Punisher (the superhero, not the wrestler or monster truck) t-shirt from the thrift store. She's always had Spiderman, Superman, and Toy Story in her wardrobe. We have plans to get her a toy tool bench with toy tools, as well as Brio building sets when she gets older. She plays with Duplo, and when she gets older she will have Lego - and not necessarily the pink Lego that people think need to exist for some asinine reason. We don't really do Disney Princess, unless it is Rapunzel or Merida - because they are stronger role models than the traditional ones. However, we've never discouraged her from playing with or picking out any toy or clothing item either, regardless of what aisle in the store it comes from.

I think that we're different than a lot of parents in that respect. Travis wouldn't get in a panic if we'd had a boy and he was in pink, or playing with a doll. Similarly, I love it when Lyric plays with her superhero toys, or wants to build instead of nurturing a doll, or playing with her doll house. So when the topic came up, I felt a really great sense of pride when I was able to say that Lyric does both. She mothers dolls. She plays basketball. She paints and colors. She cooks in her play kitchen. She dresses up as Woody, takes Batman for a ride in her pink doll car, and she loves anything to do with Toy Story or Phineas and Ferb (which, by the way, Travis and I both firmly believe neither of these things are just for boys - so it is incredibly frustrating that all of the clothing and toys associated with it are blatantly labeled for boys. They're for everyone, damnit). She likes to run around in a Superman cape, but her favorite clothing item is a dress.

To be clear, I don't judge people who don't do it like us. Every parenting style is different, and every child is different. I'm just proud that I can say that my daughter enjoys just being her and doing her own thing, and I really hope that it continues to be this way. It's always been something that was important to us as parents. If she wants to be rough and tumble and play with dirt, frogs, and boogers - that's great. If she wants to have tea parties, and play with dolls - that's fine, too. As long as she doesn't feel the pressure to only be the Barbie loving, tea party giving girlie girl that people expect girls to be, then I know I have done something right.